Brought to you by It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia…and Boss Hog.
UPDATE, May, 2020: In honor of the glorious quarantine, I have uploaded new and improved versions of the rules and cards. Enjoy!
If you’re reading this, you probably are familiar with the notorious cure for boredom that was conceived by the assholes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
That’s right, it’s Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games!
And I have (very painfully) put together a set of rules and cards for a version that is actually playable. Yes, that’s right, playable! Obviously the original Sunny version of Chardee MacDennis would certainly result in serious injury, loss of job, jail time, and probably death. So when I first decided that I needed to play Chardee MacDennis at least once in my life (and make a very unique Christmas gift for my husband), I went a-hunting around the interwebs to see what fans had already concocted. To my horror, I found that pretty much every homegrown variant I saw online was oddly focused around men having to do things to each others’ butts and testicles …unpleasant things. And a lot of farting on command. I don’t do frat boy.
So I developed a version of Chardee MacDennis that stayed as true to the original game as possible, but in our actual reality. The Gang’s original game had a lot of detailed and crazy-as-hell rules, and I’ve done my best to mimic them almost exactly. My husband and I have play-tested this once and it worked beautifully. We escaped mostly unscathed, but daaayum. What a mess. We really trashed the house, and the place smelled like stale beer for a week, despite my best cleaning efforts.
Forthwith, I present to you a playable version of Chardee MacDennis. But first! Read this very important disclaimer.
This is an alcoholic drinking game. This is a dangerous game and should never be played by anyone for any reason. The drinking demands and various stunts are all potentially very dangerous, and other elements of the game are destructive, insulting, and degrading. HauntedCoconut.com takes no responsibility for harm to person or property.
Consuming excessive amounts of alcohol leads to impaired judgement and can lead to death. Always drink responsibly, never drive after drinking, and do not play this game. Look out for your family and friends and cease the game immediately if anyone is in distress or does not want to play. Seek medical attention immediately as needed for you and your cohorts. If you do play Chardee MacDennis, someone could very easily get hurt and things will be broken. People will cry. Reputations will be ruined. Just don’t play this game. If you do, you accept responsibility for all harm, consequences, damages, and injury–physical, mental, and social. Don’t play this game.
Did you read the whole thing? Good. You should. Now that we’ve established you should never play this game, here is how one might hypothetically go about doing so.
Let’s Get Crafty: Making Your Game Set, Bitches
It’s time to make your very own Chardee MacDennis set. I store all of the crap below in an oversized shoebox with a picture of Danny DeVito on the lid. Oh, and I would like to note that I just opened my game box for the first time in about a year, and it has a strong beerish-fruity smell. Can’t imagine why. Huh. Anyway, you’ll need to following components to make your Chardee MacDennis set:
- The Rules: Print them out from the download link below. (You probably should laminate them.)
- The Game Cards: Print and neatly trim them into individual cards. NOTE! There are 3 sets of cards included in the printout: Level 1-MIND, Level 2-BODY, and Level 3-SPIRIT. Print each of these cards on a different color of paper (or otherwise demarcate the difference between the 3 sets). Sort and shuffle them ahead of the game. If you let people read them ahead of time, they won’t be nearly as surprised later on.
- The Game Board: The game board is meant to be rudimentary, but sturdy. This is what it should look like. I made mine out of scrap wood, and used markers and paint.
- Game Pieces For Each Team: Each team should have a totem to represent themselves on the game board. This should be roughly the size of an action figure, Barbie, or troll doll. WARNING: These pieces are susceptible to irreversible damage and destruction. Each team can have fun deciding which game piece will work best.
5. Flag For Each Team: Each team should decide on a team name and create a flag to represent that team and assist in their demonstrations of physical prowess and intimidation. Each team may choose their materials and medium.
6. The Puzzle Bag: You should take a very large t-shirt that you don’t mind destroying, and cut it into roughly 6 to 8 pieces, as if it were a jigsaw puzzle that could be put back together. Place the pieces in a bag for future use.
7. Bag of Dialects and Voices: Cut up a number of strips of paper to approximately equal sizes and write on each one a dialect or voice that may be imitated upon command during the game. Creativity is highly encouraged. Fold up each slip of paper once and keep them all in a bag for blind drawing later on. Examples from my set:
– French accent
– Christopher Walken
– Dramatic Movie Trailer Guy
– Cookie Monster
– Scottish accent
– Forrest Gump
8. The Black Card: This is TOP SECRET. This is the tiebreaker card that is hidden from all and sealed, only to be opened under the rare circumstance that there is a tie. As the game maker, you will have to create this and write the following (forget it immediately afterward: [Highlight to Read Top Secret Contents of Black Card]
“In the event of a tie, a winner must be chosen.
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.
Flip a coin.“
9. Some Other Crap: I also keep a blindfold and 6-sided die in the gamebox.
Props to Have On-Hand
Now you have your base set. But before you’ll be ready to play, there are some other props you’ll need to gather. If you are missing any items, certain cards may not be playable and should be removed from the deck. (Try not to do this too often).
- A Timer
- Deck of playing cards, standard
- A music player with wide access to a lot of songs
- A dozen eggs, roughly (more eggs are better)
- Roll of duct tape
- Set of Scrabble tiles
- Sand or dry rice in a bucket (messy!)
- Markers (they may be applied to skin in awful ways, so choose carefully)
- Grapes, marshmallows, jelly beans, or carrot coins (to be gobbled up, in a game that is a MAJOR CHOKING HAZARD. Be careful.)
- Marbles, or similarly sized spheres
- Pencil and pens
- Color dot stickers (or sheets of other stickers)
You may also want a tarp. These games get messy, yo.
Even though drinking games are a terrible idea, the game calls for the following: Wine, beer, AND hard alcohol. There should be enough of all three for all players. (See the rules if you’re worried about a picky-persnickety person.)
There it is. You now have all the tools you need to play the Game of Games. Good luck, and please accept this illusion of respect I send to you now. Now get to it, godammit!
(PS – Remember, you may not call “bullshit” on any questions or answers. The cards are what they are. If you wanted better, maybe you should’ve created an entire Chardee MacDennis set from scratch.)